Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Hey ho lets go!
Special you, I miss you. I miss the fact that
i'll always laugh when you're around.
I miss the late phone calls even when I'm tired!
I miss getting a goodnight message before sleeping.
I miss getting a morning message when I wake up.
I miss having you around and talking about silly rubbish.
I miss having you to tell all my problems to.
I miss having you to tell me what's wrong and what's right.
I miss being my old self, where everything else mattered.
Where fights bothered me a lot. Where love existed.
Where I was so fuc*ing happy and I didn't
need anyone or anything else.
Where I could just wake up with a smile on my face.
Knowing the day will go just perfectly well.
Where I look forward to my birthdays for surprises.
Where everything was perfect.
Everything fell apart, and I'm certainly not
happy about where i am now.
I'm in the worst state of perfect. I'm not even close.
My birthday's tomorrow, and i feel the same.
Definitely not excited and definitely not interested.
I don't know what's got into me.
It's about finding decent guys in this small sunny island.
Which is highly impossible, cause the decent ones
are obviously taken. And the other decent ones
just doesn't want you. But when you dated one,
and let that one go, that's a mistake you'll never
forgive yourself. Not even on your dying bed.
You'll live your days, months, years in regret.
Thinking why we could have been so stupid.
But then again, we try to leave it in the past.
But it haunts us once in a very blue moon.
But the haunting stays for a really long time.
Till you finally realize its time to let go again.
Love life like how everyone is doing, at least
I tried to, plenty of times. Try to enjoy life to it's
fullest. Telling your friend, that everything
will be just fine when they go through break ups.
I'm actually the worst person to ask, cause i tend
to hold on a lot. For some reason, I don't let go.
I hold on the feelings and feel as if I didn't get my heart
back in return. Like it's still in someone's hands stabbing
it and laughing like a 'muahahaha' or something.
And it'd just hurt like no one's business.
Do i believe in love? I ask myself that everyday.
But i tend to have a very negative answer to that.
It so happens that I no longer believe in love.
The world is becoming a horrible place.
Where betrayals and horrifying things are happening
Where people don't care what you feel,
they just think for themselves. Where
kissing someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend
could score you extra points.
Have you ever thought of what sadness you've
caused into the person's life?
Like how much pain the person goes through after
that, I mean i have no links whatsoever,
but I'm just saying, think!
Think, before doing something
really stupid and regretting your whole life away.
Because you're gonna live with it everyday of your
life knowing you didn't want this for yourself.
And the person you become, is worst.
I'm letting this all out, cause i really can't stand it
anymore. It's too extreme, too painful.
I wake up everyday with baggy eyes
and go to bed with tears in my eyes.
Not my kind of perfect days anymore.
Don't question me about it,
it'd just make me feel worst.
Well, goodbye.
My heart can't get any worst.
Can i have it back please?
/9:39 PM
