Monday, September 15, 2008
I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at bestYou're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay
Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it.
Lyrics above clearly explains what i feel.
It explains everything. Only a few of you'll
might know what I'm talking about.
I love this song, it really knows how to make
me emotional. Haha. Okay maybe not a very
good song huh? But well. The words
are exactly what I'm feeling. It hurts so much.
And everything scares me. From life to love.
Just yesterday, i had someone follow me home.
And it was really obvious. I ran home.
But he ran up the stairs and looked for me.
I was scared as hell. You have no idea how fast
my heart was beating. I'm traumatized, I don't
think i wanna go out anymore. Hell no!
That's not stopping me from going out. I hope.
But well, think positive, at least i'm safe.
Once again, my thought speaks about love.
Love huh? What is it actually? I googled it,
and this is what it said, "One word frees us of all the weight
and pain of life: That word is love." - Sophocles
Is it? I searched it on Dictionary.com
and this is what it said,
"a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."
Is it? I'm wondering why it isn't love = fear?
Cause that's what I'm feeling.
I'm feeling scared of love.
Afraid of what will happen.
Afraid of what the other party will say.
Afraid of being neglected.
Sigh, I feel like i feel the hatred more then
I feel the love. That's a bad sign. Really.
But during this period, i've got my friends
back and I gotta thank you for that.
- Jackiee Nonis.
- Stacy Brodbeck.
- Shirley Kettler.
- Edel Goh.
- Safith Bafith. (Sorry I don't know your surname)
Thank you, I can't express my thanks for you guys.
Really. Thanks for being there and helping me
through this whole period of shitty feelings.
Only you guys know how i feel, and you guys
really know how to help me through it.
I love you guys, and I know i'll always have your backs.
I just wanna let you'll know that because of you,
I'm becoming stronger, to let go of the feelings i'm
holding on to. Or at least, i plan to.
My exams are nearing every single day.
And i've got no more time to waste.
It's getting scarier day by day.
It looks like I'm scared of almost everything.
Nonok. Did i get it right? In other words,
I'm a pussy la k? I'm afraid of what's planned
for me. I'm afraid of what might happen.
I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of who
I'm gonna meet in the future.
I'm afraid of everything. Even my feelings.
'God, if you're hearing me.
I really need you by my side right now.
I need you to show me the right path.
I need you to tell me what to do and what
I shouldn't do. I need to feel you here.
Please speak to me.'
I'm gonna be strong! I have to!
Just give me time.
I'm off to study.
Adiosss amigos!
I miss the lips that made me fly.
/7:23 PM
